Do you know what the great thing about adding years to your age is? Not just that you get to blow out extra candles on your cake and that you no longer have to maneuver a heavy Eastpack through a school building. No, the great thing about getting older is that, in addition to deeper frowns, you also get a dose of life experience and wise lessons as a gift. That things that you thought were a big deal when you were 20 suddenly don’t feel so big and heavy anymore. And that you get to know yourself better as you get older, which turns out to be very useful in many situations. And that’s not all! These are 19 lessons that “getting older” (as in: no longer being in your early twenties) taught me.
You don’t have to pretend to be stronger than you are. People don’t really think you’re a nice person until you hide all your vulnerable sides. Those sides are allowed to be there too. The more you share them, the more beautiful conversations and wonderful connections you have. It’s easier to connect with people when they see 100% you, not a flattened version of it.
Everyone has their own story. A story with multiple sides. With ups, downs and everything in between. There is no one who has always had the wind at their back and everything has just come to them. We have all had our challenges, experienced things we would have rather skipped and sometimes sat on the blisters of our own clumsy choices. You are never alone, no matter what you are going through.
There are multiple definitions of friendship. You can choose yours. One person has a large group of friends, another a few casual friends. You talk to one friend every day, another much less often. Friendship does not, as I thought in high school, necessarily mean keeping each other informed via WhatsApp every day and doing fun things at least two weekends a month. You can shape friendships in your own (no, your) way. A good friendship will continue to exist even if you don’t talk to each other for a month or don’t visit each other for a longer period due to circumstances. I am very happy with my group of casual friends who are very dear to me and who I sometimes – without anything happening – don’t talk to for weeks and then suddenly very often again.
There is never a right time for exciting steps . Don’t wait for that magical moment when all your doubts are gone and your fear has disappeared. Sometimes you have to jump from the realization that it is exciting now, tomorrow will be exciting and probably next year too. Then there is no better time to take the first step than today.
Give compliments . The compliments that come so straight from the heart that you find it scary to give them are the ones worth saying. They may feel uncomfortable to you; they can mean the world to the other person.
No one can save you. Only you can decide to do things differently from now on and do what is good for you. Only you can make short work of your own patterns, or gradually put your limiting beliefs a little further outside the door. Others can give you pushes in the right direction or make slight adjustments. But the real step lies with you. That sounds stupid, but sometimes it is your greatest gift. Because it also means that you are not dependent on what someone else does or says to give your life a positive turn.
Your health is not something to worry about for a few years. Just because you are healthy and young today, doesn’t mean you can keep your healthy habits until 5 years from now. Don’t wait too long to take good care of yourself . All the choices you make today can have a positive (or negative) impact on your body in 5 or 10 years. So please take good care of your health. Your future self will thank you.
You don’t choose what happened to you, but you do choose how you deal with it now. I always thought that was a terribly stupid cliché. A bit short-sighted too. Should you shrug your shoulders when you experience something intense? Nope! I look at that statement differently now. For example, you have a choice between “Come on, move on!” and mourning what happened. You have a choice between silence and talking. Between regret or looking kindly at your younger self. Between shame for what was and pride for what is now. There is no “right” or “wrong” in that, and often it will probably be both and. But just realizing that you have options is sometimes already very valuable.
Emotions can coexist. For example, you can be overjoyed that you are moving into a new house and intensely sad because you are leaving a familiar place. You can be proud of a big step that you are taking and terrified of the consequences. You can be relieved that a decision has been made and at the same time tense about the consequences. You can cry your eyes out and the moment after laugh at your own crying fit. Sometimes it is all of these things at once.
Your weekly schedule is the result of choices. If your week doesn’t look at all like you’d like, that’s partly a matter of making different choices. And yes, you do have choices. Even if it doesn’t feel that way sometimes. And if this week is a collection of not-so-nice things, see what you can do differently next week with this insight.
Life isn’t always fair. I don’t believe that everything happens for a reason. Many things are also just the result of bad luck, unfortunate circumstances or a body or economy that doesn’t cooperate. Life brings magical beautiful moments, but sometimes also a load of crap that you just didn’t plan for. Don’t always dig for a reason or think in “What if?”. It’s probably (unfortunately) just bad luck.
Without boundaries, you will eventually run yourself ragged. Even if you feel like a true superhuman after a great day of ticking off to-do’s, everyone has limits. Even you with your endless energy, the passion for your work and your inexhaustible amount of hobbies. You too have limits somewhere. And if you don’t listen to them yourself, your body will make that clear to you at some point. Often in a less pleasant way than if you had noticed those limits earlier. So learn to sense your limits and guard your limits . You will thank yourself.
You can’t influence everyone’s opinion of you. There are undoubtedly people on earth who think you’re stupid or will think you’re stupid. You’ll make statements that people don’t agree with, make choices that not everyone fully supports and people will whisper or gossip about you at some point. Even if it’s just by those two staring terrace-goers who apparently have nothing better to do. No matter how hard you try to be a nice person and not say anything that might offend anyone, there will always be people with an opinion. Let it go. If you can’t influence that anyway, what’s the point of worrying about it?
Don’t base your choices on fear. The best choices never come from that. First feel what you would really want if everything is possible and if everything works out, and only then start weighing ifs and buts.
Always take your gut feeling seriously. Do you immediately feel a brick in your stomach? Then say “No!”, and do not let yourself be talked into it against your will, and do not doubt later whether you felt it right. An immediate “Help, no!” feeling is often also just a “No!”. And you are allowed to say that too.
Swallowing things has never improved any relationship. And I don’t just mean love relationships, but also friendships, collaborations and family ties. Speak up if you’re not feeling great or if something is bothering you. Often that clears the air immediately, you feel better about yourself and you can then also be more yourself in the contact. And does the bond not improve? Then it would probably have been better to go your own way anyway.
There is nothing wrong with living small and less exuberantly. It is fine if you have a milestone-free year and do not have any big, exciting things planned for a while. Also enjoy weekends to the Veluwe instead of dream trips to New York. And also weekends in which your most exciting highlight was the question whether your vanilla cake would come out of the oven in one piece. It is just beautiful when you can enjoy small happiness in a big way.
Live your life, not someone else’s. The great thing about getting older is that the “I have to belong to the group” feeling diminishes. When I was 21, the most important thing for me was whether my fellow students thought my weekend activities were cool. And whether I didn’t come across as a boring, dull homebody. Fortunately, I now dare to make my life my own party. Sometimes exuberantly, more often not. Don’t organize your life based on social expectations or outside pressure. It’s your life, so live it your way.
Issues that seem like a big deal today , may not mean anything next week. Don’t get carried away by things that aren’t really a disaster. A conversation that you’re thinking about all day today, might just be a funny story to share at birthday parties in 6 months. A mistake that you’ve been brooding over for hours today, you’ll probably forget in a year. And a worry that’s taking up all your brain space today, might just be a memory in a while. So don’t worry too much about things that aren’t worth it. Everything passes. Even this.
