Goodbye 2023, you were spectacular, hectic, intense, special and chaotic

But before we fly straight into 2024, I can’t help but cast a sentimental glance over my shoulder. To 2023, that is! Looking back on an entire year always feels a bit arbitrary. You often only remember the few biggest highlights, think back to the times when you had to pull yourself together with tears streaming down your cheeks, and have no idea what to think of this year. It had its ups & downs. And that’s exactly how I try to look at a year. It’s easy to say “2023, you were fantastic!”. It’s also often too simplistic to call something a completely shitty year (although I totally agree with people in some situations) .

But my 2023 was a combination of all of that. There were spectacular moments, with the highlight of spectacularity being the moment Bart and I were told that we would become the owners of a fantastic terraced house. There were also learning moments, such as when I discovered that certain things were just a little too far outside my comfort zone. Or when I fell flat on my face a few times during our renovation, because I had fallen hard into the too-much-at-once trap.

There were times when the smallest things made me happy. My new flower lamp, a Too Good To Go package, a crazy move from the cat or a chocolate cake that came out of the oven surprisingly well on the first attempt. And there were times when I cried about something. And times when I had no idea how a tear could stick to my cheek. There were times when my eyes were sparkling with enthusiasm, when I was sitting in front of a stack of pancakes in love, when I was peering happily through the bus window or when I let the most wonderful lessons from (audio)books sink in. There was a bit of everything.

The year of letting go

Looking back, it was mainly a year of drastic letting go. For several years in a row, I had decided to dump a lot of luggage out of my backpack. But in practice, that turned out not to be as simple as simply turning a bag upside down over the trash can. This year, the circumstances forced me to give the whole letting go a chance and to dump a stone from that bag each time.

Remodeling turned out to be my best course in letting go so far. While I was still on top of everything at the beginning of our remodeling project that everything had to go as planned, after a while it became clear that the words “as planned” and “remodeling” by definition do not fit in the same sentence. The fact that things sometimes went differently and sometimes even went against or took longer than planned was my ultimate stick behind the door to hold on to things less rigidly. Things don’t always go as hoped. But it’s not that bad. Often enough I still had a Plan B on the shelf or the thought “Gosh, let it go!” turned out to be the best medicine.

Letting go of a house

That letting go played a role in more areas. Of course I have to let go of a house. My first own house. And as flexible as some people are in exchanging one house for another, so many emotions come into play for me. But that is also okay (in other words: I also try to let go of the fact that I feel all this).

Letting go of my “superwoman” ambitions

I also let go of the idea that everything has to be perfect and at the same time. Through trial and error, I learned this year that I can probably cram a lot into a day, but that it shouldn’t be an aspiration in itself. I can’t be the ever-present girlfriend, a 24/7 freelancer, a book junkie, a fanatic athlete and 56 other things at the same time. This year, I fell flat a few times by trying to squeeze myself into a “Can it all be done” costume. Until I noticed that the suit didn’t fit. And that when I tried to fit myself into one, it would pinch painfully hard after a while.

Thanks to a business coach, I learned to only accept work that I enjoy 100% and to lovingly indicate both privately and at work what works/doesn’t work. And I learned that stress is not good for me in many ways and that my body often already indicates “Ho stop!” This year I started with breathing coaching and followed several courses. This time not because I believe that “something can be fixed”, but mainly to get more peace and to be myself.

Letting go of having to be someone

Furthermore, I learned to let go of the idea that I have to be someone other than who I am. This year I turned 30 and I felt more like myself than ever. I know better what stresses me out and what gives me energy. I dare to make different choices more often if they fit in well.

Where I used to think I had to justify cancellations, I am now learning – stumbling and fumbling – that sometimes just saying “No” is enough. That I can leave it with the other person if it affects them.

I also realized this year even more that I am allowed to feel what I feel without immediately dismissing it as “stupid”, “insignificant” or “oversensitive”. That it is not stupid that I wiped away a tear yesterday under the Christmas tree in the middle of the moving boxes, because I am going to miss this house so much. That it is okay if I get more tired of something than someone else. That it is okay when I feel the need to be alone , even if people find that “so unsociable”.

And no, I’m not there yet (are you ever “there”?). I can still take plenty of steps, get to know sides of myself and embrace even more that not everyone has to like me. But hey, not everything has to happen at once. Not everything has to go according to plan. And I hope I still have enough years to learn about that while stumbling, tripping, getting up and standing proudly upright again.

Letting go of the hustle and bustle

This year was a hectic one. We threw ourselves into a renovation project that was great fun but also a bit bigger than we had imagined. We sold a house and packed everything we owned into boxes. I tried to be there for others, worked full steam ahead and also tried to be a nice friend. And all of that might now elicit a reaction like “Wow, good job!”. But actually, I wasn’t doing so well sometimes.

I got to know myself better and better, but at the same time I drifted further away from myself because of the chaos. I sometimes lost sight of my energy tank, brooded a lot and quite often had a ceiling-staring subscription in bed. I learned more than ever that wanting to do everything, wanting to do everything well and feeling responsible for everything is the recipe for too much haste in life . The first steps towards a less hasty life have been taken. So I will happily continue with that next year!

And what about my 2023 goals ?

For 2023 I had one big goal: to buy a nice house together with Bart. That goal has definitely been 100% achieved. At the beginning of 2023 we had no idea where we would live. Let alone that there was a concrete spot in sight. Fortunately, we were able to quickly get to work on that at the beginning of this year. Many neighborhood scouting rounds, discussions about where to live and Funda searches later we came across the house.

Furthermore, I had a super concrete goal to work on: 12 (audio)books in 12 months . And boy did I succeed! Taking out a Storytel subscription turned out to be a great success. I can recommend it to anyone who would like to read more, but doesn’t get around to it. I read countless books this year. More than ever. From The Diary of a Maternity Nurse to in-depth self-help books and books about writing. That audiobook goal is definitely something I will continue with in the new year.

Furthermore, in 2023 I wanted to continue my search for more peace in my body . At the end of 2021 I was diagnosed with adenomyosis (which in my case mainly means heavy menstruation and as a result anemia). In addition, the GP treated me to the label “irritable bowel syndrome”. Fortunately, I decided to take matters into my own hands this year. I don’t have the solution yet, but I have been given all kinds of useful tools (from physiotherapy, dietetics, breathing coaching, Ayurveda and stress coaching). The symptoms have not gone away, but I do know better what I can do about them.

In addition, I did not celebrate my thirtieth birthday in a big or spectacular way, but actually exactly as I wanted. Turning thirty turned out to be a less intense milestone than I thought. The fact that I sat down with Bart in a Mexican restaurant and did a creative workshop with two girlfriends even made it a very successful milestone.

Oh yes, and I had a nice trip as a goal for 2023. And did that happen! We went to London and Windsor by train this year. Not a far tropical place, but that wasn’t the plan. It was great in the British capital, and I would love to go back in 2024. But for this year we are setting our sights on a French holiday destination.

My word for 2024: countries

Normally I start the year with a neat list of goals. But in keeping with the theme of letting go, I decided to hang up that list of goals this year . When Bart and I were talking about our plans for the new year, we could both only think of one thing: “calm down”. In my opinion, an ambitious list of goals does not fit in with that. I prefer to come up with fun, concrete plans during the year. Sometimes on January 1, sometimes a few months later, sometimes even in the middle of summer.

I especially hope to land more in all respects in 2024. And then without a plane, because long-distance flights are not a plan for next year 😉 A train trip to Paris hopefully is.

  • I want to land in our new house in 2024. Say goodbye to my very first own place in a nice way, in which I feel I have grown big. And find my way in the new house in an even nicer way, although I suspect that this should be possible due to the renovation and all the nice colors and interior items.
  • In addition, I hope to land more in my body. My body did not always cooperate well this year. I recently started with breathing coaching and also want to take up pilates/yoga with YouTube videos at home again once a week. I know that these things help me enormously to feel less tension and that my body and head respond well to this. Wow, I still have a kind of very concrete goal.
  • Furthermore, I want to land in myself. Okay, that sounds terribly vague. But what I mean is that I want to continue to unravel pieces of myself, be okay with myself and stand up for what I think. Even if I sometimes fall outside a group, if people don’t understand something or disagree with me. Landing in myself also means for me not giving a shit about “Oh dear, maybe the other person thinks this…” and even more confidence that I can be myself in every situation.
  • I also want to land in “laziness”. I am not a lazy person by nature. I can practically dream up all the productivity hacks and can get a lot done in a day. But sometimes it can be a bit slower. Now that we have a nice corner sofa with enough space to lie down, I have an extra good reason to pull the plug more often. Allow myself to have a weekend free again (after all the DIY weekends), just be creative, write for the sake of writing (without an assignment, purely for myself), if necessary put 3 masks on my face in a row or flop down at the beautician to really do nothing for an hour.
  • And I want to land in a new environment . That will probably not be a problem, because we are going to live in the place where I would have loved to live as a child. From now on I will be in Amsterdam much faster than before, I have nice parks around the corner, a beautiful forest, nice shops, lots of eateries… Landing also means for me to discover every meter of the environment by bike. Going on nice adventures by spontaneously sitting down in a coffee shop with my laptop. Sometimes walking through the polder. Strolling through the shopping center. Cycling to Amsterdam on a sunny day. Oh, for this reason alone I can’t wait until the new year is a few days further and we can not only inaugurate a new year, but also a new house.

Do you also have such an “intention” or “word” for the new year?