Hi, I’m Maduforo but you can call me Madu and I’m an introvert ! You too? Then you might recognize that you’d rather not have a flood of stimuli poured over you in one day. And that it can sometimes be a bit overwhelming when the phone is red hot all day or when your weekend is packed with one social obligation after another. Because for a long time I mainly thought that I was “pretending” to be an introvert, I often overstepped my boundaries. Fortunately, I now have more peace in my head. I share what helped me. See here: 7 tips from an introvert.
1. Fewer phone calls
One of my struggles as an entrepreneur in the past months was the amount of phone calls. For me, calling all the time is not my favorite way to make money. I am pretty drained when I have had three long phone calls and two urgent calls in one day. Especially when someone called unplanned and then hung on the line for an hour and a half (unfortunately, I had not yet found a course on ‘cutting off phone calls in a polite way’). Or when I am in the middle of a project.
That’s why I’ve taken steps myself in the last month to spend less time on the phone (and less time on my phone in general). I also got that as one of the tips from an introvert! It turns out that you can put a stop to those many phone calls yourself.
These things work for me:
- I no longer answer the phone by default , but first look at who is calling. For example, if I am in the middle of a project and the caller is not someone for whom I have something urgent going on, I let the phone ring and then text to ask if I can call back later.
- When I make a phone appointment, I often indicate in advance how much time I have set aside for it . Then you can also use the time more efficiently.
- When I get a private call while I’m at work, I often let my phone ring. Only for Bart and for my parents and my brothers or if I really expect a call, I make an exception.
- If important people call in between when I am actually very busy, I often indicate that I have until time X. Five minutes before that time, I say again that I really have to go.
- After 6 o’clock, I basically don’t answer work calls anymore (unless I’m working on an urgent project). Otherwise you unconsciously give a signal that you are available then too.
- Turning off notifications and occasionally completely disabling the internet on my phone is also recommended.
- My favorite tip to use my phone less: put the thing out of my field of vision . Saves a lot of phone-grab tendencies!
- If a conversation really threatens to take too long, I try to steer the conversation towards a specific goal . Funny enough, I wrote an article for a client a while ago about conversation techniques to achieve that. Since then, I have been applying those techniques myself. For example, if you summarize what the other person says, you can then more easily subtly take the conversation a step further. For example, “So you have a nice site with lots of blog articles online. And you called me about those blog articles, right?! How can I help you with that?”.
2. Earphones in
I know that many people swear by noise-cancelling headphones. I don’t have them myself (yet), but fortunately I do have good earphones in the closet. I don’t wear them every day, but I do find earphones a godsend when the construction workers in front of my house have tools on really loud again or when my upstairs neighbor is testing the volume of his supersonic Soundbars again. At such moments, the search query ‘Study Music’ on YouTube is my savior in (sound) need. Handy during work, but also when I’m writing a blog or just want to do something in peace.
3. Schedule alone time
Even now that I live together (part-time), I still try to take time alone regularly . That is also one of my most important tips from an introvert: give yourself time for yourself. Fortunately, Bart and I have the same opinion and we both like to do things for ourselves, in addition to the time together. For me, that means writing blog articles, being creative, taking photos or going for a run. Those kinds of moments really help me to recharge.
I haven’t really had any trouble taking that time for myself in the last year. I can easily say that I can’t meet up on Sunday because I already have a lot of busy things planned on Saturday. I know how good that does me and therefore I don’t find it difficult anymore to treat myself to something like that.
4. Recharge after a day of socializing
In the pre-corona era, I found a weekend filled with rushing around for social obligations quite exhausting. As much as I enjoy social contact, after such a busy day I really need a moment where I don’t have to worry about “being nice”.
I think that’s why I was never a big fan of Friday afternoon drinks when I was still working in an office. A toast with tea in my hand, Bart next to me and the cat on my lap to round off a working day, I find much nicer. I have the same thing when I’ve been on the phone with all kinds of people during the day. Then not only my empty phone but also my full head screams for charging time.
That’s why I try to plan a moment without social things on evenings after a full day . Not calling a girlfriend that evening. Not going to someone’s house for dinner either. But just me, myself and I with at most Bart or a YouTuber in the background as company.
5. No longer “have to” do everything
When I look back on the past few years, I actually went beyond my limits for a long time. I would plan three appointments in one day, even though I didn’t have the energy for it. In retrospect, I blame my persistent Fear of Missing Out. I thought that my student days would only be complete with parties, sleepovers, the occasional drink too many and otherwise at least a few trips in the weekend. How dull I felt when I arrived at university on Monday and cleaning my room had been my most important activity of the weekend. While I really enjoyed it during the weekend itself, it suddenly felt like my weekend had been a total failure and extremely boring .
Fortunately, I have long since let go of that idea of “must”. I no longer find it a problem if painting in my brother’s house is my biggest social activity. That’s the beauty of free time: you are completely free in how you spend that time. Whether your weekend plans are grandiose or someone else finds them “dull” and “boring”, it is your weekend. So do what makes you happy.
6. Tips from an introvert? Dare to be an introvert!
Also essential in the list of tips from an introvert: accept that you are an introvert. Don’t think that you have to get over things because that is just normal. Sure, you can’t get out of every busy birthday party or every drink. You can’t control the whole world. But you don’t have to do it the other way around either: adapt yourself to the world. Let go of the idea that you have to like things that “everyone” likes. For example, that you have to like small talk just as much as your extrovert colleague or friend. Or that you have to be able to approach others just as well.
There are simply more extroverts in the world than introverts. So chances are that people around you have different needs than you do. But that doesn’t mean you have to change. Be proud of the good sides that come with being an introvert, just as extroverts have their strengths. Use them and embrace who you are.
7. Sometimes make things more your own
As I said earlier in one of the other tips from an introvert, you can’t turn the whole world into one big comfortable bubble where you never have to deal with difficult or overstimulating things again.
There is nothing wrong with going outside your comfort zone sometimes (it is actually good for developing yourself!). But you can look at how you can make your days calmer and adjust small things to get more to your liking (=rest) . Sometimes that is already in small things. For example:
- Don’t force yourself to stay until the end of a party, but if you’ve seen it, leave a little early.
- Ask if you can meet one-on-one instead of five friends at a time if that makes you more comfortable.
- Suggest not going on an entire group tour, but staying for two days.
- See if you can arrange your own room or your own cottage (with your partner) during a family weekend.
- See if you can drive home yourself on your way back from an outing with others instead of sitting on the train with everyone else. Then you can make it a recharging moment.
- Don’t immediately agree on a whole day, but a part of the day. Sometimes it helps if you agree on two hours before lunch or dinner. Then you “have to” leave on time.
Conclusion of these tips from an introvert? You can’t change the world, nor yourself. But you can make sure that you get the rest and recharge time that you personally need. You can make sure of that and you are more than worth it.
