We all have gloomy feelings sometimes. But what can you do when the feelings of gloomy last for a long time? When getting out of bed may already feel like a challenge or when you lose your pleasure in ordinary daily things. Sometimes you feel gloomy because something intense has happened, sometimes it is just pure bad luck, a combination of circumstances or an annoying hormone cocktail. Either way, gloomy is bad. The best thing you can do then is to take good care of yourself and do what is important to you. I would like to share 26 tips on what to do when you are gloomy, precisely so that you are not too strict and remain kind to yourself.
Sad mood? Being nice is what helps
I know what I’m talking about when I talk about sadness. About seven years ago, I was very sad myself. I had anorexia at the time and my recovery from that was no piece of cake (which is an extra appropriate expression in this case). Fortunately, everything turned out fine and I can now honestly say that I feel much better about myself and feel happy. But I still remember how sad I felt then.
When I said “I’m feeling down”, sometimes the unsolicited advice flew around my ears. It varied from “Just take two days off” to “Book a trip to Paris” or “Dude, you should just watch a sob movie. That will help!”. All well and good, but it’s not always what you’re looking for when you’re feeling down. This article is certainly not intended to fill your agenda with cheerful distractions from those gloomy feelings.
What did help me? Learning to look at myself more gently, especially when I’m feeling down. Just looking at what I need, picking up things that give me energy, leaving things that drain my energy and generally being kinder to myself .
Don’t think you’re stupid because others “like positive people better”, but accept that this is who you are now. Everything passes, this too. But take the time you need for that.
What to do when you feel depressed?
First of all, it is of course important to seek professional help if the depression persists for a long time or takes on worrying forms. Go to your GP, confide in someone, talk to a professional. You are never alone, even if it feels that way.
Secondly, I have collected 26 tips that helped me during that time to reduce the gloom or to get through the day better. Choose the tips that you think “Ha, that will help me!” and leave the other tips alone. Nobody knows as well as you what you can do best with gloom in your case.
Indicate what YOU like right now. It is understandable that people often come with unsolicited advice when they are depressed. It is difficult for others to discover what you do and do not need. So indicate this yourself, especially when you are meeting people. Feel free to send someone a message and say “Hey, I would really like to do something fun. Do you feel like it?” and if you want to get something off your chest, say “I would really like to get something off your chest with you. Is that okay with you? Can you call me?”. By starting with what you would like, the other person can respond better.
Determine your anti-depression cocktail. No cocktail shaker or alcohol involved! What I mean is that you are going to discover what activities are uplifting for you. Try to set aside at least one hour each day for this. First think about this: what do you like to do most when you feel depressed? What helps to distract your thoughts ? Or what makes the depressed feeling fade into the background?
Exercise and sports. Running and gym trips may be the first thing you want to skip. But they can actually help you tremendously. Exercise helps you get out of your head and put worrying thoughts aside and can provide relief. So if you’re feeling down, try to do some exercise. Even just taking a 15-minute walk every day can make a big difference.
Do go to out-of-home appointments that you dread. You may not feel like going to that one birthday party or have a huge urge to cancel lunch at that trendy coffee shop. My tip: don’t do it. Often it’s precisely those appointments or planned things that give you a bit of joy. I remember that very well from my gloomy period. Appointments with friends made me feel like I was allowed to be there. Afterwards I was always glad that I had gone anyway.
Don’t skip meals out of sadness (unless you’ve been told to of course). Eating too little often only makes you more sad (and hangry ). So don’t take bad care of yourself by skipping meals, even if it’s unconsciously. If necessary, set an alarm on your phone for your breakfast, lunch and dinner. Then you’ll at least have them behind you.
Create regularity in your life. For example, get up at the same time every day, go to bed at the same time and plan some kind of routine in other ways. This was my life-saver during the darkest period of my life. Because of my studies, I got up at the same time every day and often had a certain structure to my day. In addition, I had agreed with myself to walk for half an hour every day and I ate meals at fixed times. That gave me something to hold on to.
Read hopeful stories from others. The great thing about the internet is that relatable stories of experience are often just a few clicks away. No matter how difficult your situation seems, there will be more people who have been in your shoes. Look for online stories, books, podcasts or blogs from people who have been through something similar. You may find hope in their stories or it may simply feel good to know that you are not alone. For example, during my eating disorder recovery, I always found the website Proud2bme very useful.
Try something new. Trying new things can break the monotony in your life and give you fresh energy. For example, throw yourself into a completely new hobby, take a course, immerse yourself in cooking and baking delicious things, give your interior a makeover or read books on a subject you are not yet familiar with. In short: do something purely for fun that you have been thinking for a long time “Wow, that seems like something for me!”.
Don’t sit by yourself, but talk. If you are alone with your gloomy thoughts, they often (unfortunately) do not become less. It can be a huge relief to take others into your thoughts. It may be difficult to talk to others about it, but do it anyway. It is already a huge relief if you don’t have to fix all this on your own. Someone else doesn’t even have to come up with brilliant tips; sometimes the idea that someone is listening is all you need. Are you afraid of unsolicited advice? Then start with “I actually just want to tell you something. You don’t have to give tips or think along. I already find talking about it very nice.”
Get someone involved in time. Is the gloom caused by major problems or does it really last a long time? Then don’t keep trying to solve everything on your own and don’t try to get rid of the feeling by running yourself ragged. Then your body will whistle you back (yup, expert by experience!). Talk about it with your GP, a coach or a psychologist if you can’t figure it out. Do that before it gets out of hand; the sooner you are there, the better. That person can then refer you to the right help.
Talk to those involved where necessary. Is the gloom caused by not being in the right place at work? Request a meeting with your manager and tell them what’s bothering you. Do you notice that you’re very worried about a family member? Talk to other family members about it and see if that brings some relief. Someone who is also involved in the situation can sometimes come up with a brilliant solution that makes it lighter.
Give your overanalyzing brain a name. I’ve recently started applying this tip myself. I sometimes (no, often!) have a habit of overanalyzing things and then feeling bad about it. For example, I overanalyze conversations with people (Did I say the right thing? Does she really like me?), situations (Gosh, did I do this right?) or possible doomsday scenarios (What if it turns out this way?). My overanalyzing brain has recently been called Gerda. When I start overanalyzing and feel gloomy as a result, I talk myself into “Ha, there’s Gerda again. Thanks for thinking along, but I don’t need you right now!” That helps me to look at it from a distance instead of immediately going along with overanalyzing.
Get enough sleep. No one becomes a happier person from short nights or hours of staring at the ceiling. It often helps if you go to bed on time and ensure a good sleep pattern. Trouble with that? The alarm clock not only works well to get out of bed on time in the morning, but also as a reminder to dive into bed on time. Is falling asleep the problem for you? I previously shared tips against insomnia (because believe me: I have experience). Two tips from my own experience: earplugs and a weighted blanket . I can’t live without both anymore.
Make a Happy List. I started doing this when I was feeling down years ago. I still do it faithfully every week. On such a list I write down all the little things that made me happy. That can be something as simple as a successful dinner, a sweet message or a funny cat photo. Write down those little bright spots, precisely so that you don’t forget that they are still there.
Animal lover? Find a (pet) animal. I may be speaking from personal experience, but I have always found the cats at my parents’ home very helpful when I was suffering from depression myself. Pets have something magical. They often sense when you could use a funny action or loving attention. Do you not have pets yourself but are you crazy about animals? Then you can also visit the petting zoo, offer to play cat sitter and you can even register via various apps to walk other people’s dogs. It may sound crazy, but it is truly something that can make a difference (if you are an animal lover at least).
Go outside every day. Whether it’s pouring rain or the sun is shining brightly and whether you feel like it or not, seek out the fresh air every day. I sometimes had to really drag myself outside, but afterwards I was always glad when I had done it again. Sunlight (even on cold days) can really do a lot for your health and mood.
Set a tiny goal for each day. Practice writing down one small thing each day that you want to get done that you don’t do by default. This could be something like putting on your makeup, making a good breakfast, getting healthy groceries, or dragging yourself to the gym despite the reluctance. Then be genuinely proud when you’ve ticked off that goal. No matter how small it may feel – for you, this is an achievement today!
Let go of big goals where necessary. For now. Temporarily. You can get back to it with a vengeance, but don’t do that when you’re feeling down and have already set the bar high for yourself. Instead, take it step by step, do things that give you energy and put your perfectionist plans on hold. When you’re feeling down, “getting through the day well” or “going for a run today” is a nice goal in itself.
Expect less of yourself. Just in general. Don’t beat yourself up if your workout doesn’t go as well as usual or if you’re not getting as much done at work as you’d like. It’s okay. You’re doing your best and that’s good enough.
Lose yourself in a book world. If your world is not feeling great right now, it can be nice to transport yourself to another world. No, I am not recommending drug scenes (I would rather not!). What I mean is that you lose yourself in a book, completely empathize with a main character and turn page after page because it is so addictively fun. Reading books is a great way to take your mind off things.
Treat yourself to the book ‘The boy, the mole, the fox and the horse’ or ‘Big panda and little dragon’. Both books are full of beautiful words that, strangely enough, always come at exactly the right moment. Open a random page and there is probably something encouraging.
Give in to “I really want to…” plans. Whether you’re dying to eat an ice cream cone with colorful sprinkles or you’re desperate to sit on a swing with your legs in the air, go for it ! These kinds of spontaneous ideas can make you feel really good.
Write it down. Not to get rid of worrying thoughts or bad beliefs, but to collect them somewhere on a piece of paper instead of letting them race back and forth through your head. Bombard a notebook as a “dump spot” and write down everything that bothers you or that you struggle with. Again and again. You don’t have to read it all back. But sometimes simply letting it slide from your pen onto the paper is already a great relief.
Be careful with extra negativity from outside. Your head is already filled with the necessary gloom. Then try not to let unnecessary extra nastiness come in. For example, I’m talking about news reports that are anything but positive or sad TV programs. And if you have people around you who are quickly inclined to spout all kinds of negative things about the neighbors’ peeing cat, broken cars and annoying colleagues, then say it honestly if you would rather talk about something more positive.
Avoid unwanted energy drains. The things that give you energy can help you enormously with depression. But there will certainly also be things that suck that little bit of energy out of you like a super sponge or that only make you feel worse. See if you can reduce those activities. For example, does it cost you a lot of energy to now also do volunteer work for your great-uncle’s stamp collecting club that you once promised? Be honest that that is not possible now. You can choose for yourself .
Be okay with the gloom. Don’t run away from what you’re feeling. Don’t push it away because you should feel happy again soon. Gloom is part of it, both after bad events and sometimes for no apparent reason. Accept that you feel this way, give in to it and don’t feel guilty if you’re not the nicest person at home for a while. You can be you – your happy you, but also the person you are in less pleasant moments.
