In a week, I will be able to change the number of my age everywhere. Then the Big Thirty will make way for an extra year: 30. I don’t have any grand birthday plans this year. But I thought it would be fun, in addition to baking cakes, forking over cakes and unwrapping presents, to look back on my 30th year of life. Because what have I learned in the past (almost) 366 days? From rose-colored discoveries to lessons about personal growth. And from life lessons that I learned by falling into the same trap ten times to purchases that I should have made much earlier. This is what I learned in my almost completed year of life.
When in doubt, go for pink! You can’t go wrong. And yes, I’ve applied that advice extensively in our home 😉
Cliché but true: closing things off feels double, but is necessary to create space for new things . It felt bittersweet to hang a ‘For Sale’ sign on the apartment where I learned to stand on my own two feet five years ago. But how special and beautiful it is to now be building something together in a new place and really together.
Adobe Lightroom is not at all complicated and procrastination-worthy. Just start with it, experiment a bit and discover how much fun it is. You don’t have to be perfect at it right away – just like with so many things. Just start somewhere. You can only get better at it if you take steps.
Ignoring tension and continuing in gear twenty in the hope that it will fade away by itself is pointless. If you don’t hit the brakes yourself, your body will. So listen to the signals, don’t suppress your feelings and see what you need. Often that is something other than running on.
It’s okay if you’re not everyone’s favorite person. Or even better: if some people think you’re downright stupid. There will always be people who think you’re too quiet or too outgoing . Or too airy-fairy or too down-to-earth, too busy or too quiet, too ambitious or too unambitious, too black-and-white or too open-minded, too sensitive or too rational… So stop trying to be “for everyone” and just be yourself. Then the people who like your “too” sides will automatically stick around.
6. You can only really say you can’t do something if you’ve tried it (a few times!). So try it first and then judge.
Almost everyone has a weakness for something they’re willing to spend a fortune on. I’m a grocery-saver and a second-hand clothes shopper who rarely goes on vacation, but my spending weakness apparently lies with home decor. And I’m not even ashamed of it.
The more often you say “I’m really not a speaker!” the more you start to believe that you’re a total failure. If you stop talking yourself down in advance, things that you felt “not the person” for will immediately start to work out better. To make these words a little less abstract: yesterday I put my money where my mouth is and was on this podcast episode of Off the record about my work as a freelance copywriter.
Becoming more assertive always happens in steps. You won’t become a pro at setting boundaries and standing up for yourself overnight . Don’t judge yourself when you mess up again. That’s part of learning things. Recognize your pitfalls, learn from what went wrong and resolve to do things differently next time.
Not everything has to be done at once. And deadlines that you set for yourself can always be postponed to a later time. So don’t think that all those household chores have to be done now or that you really have to tackle all your work dreams at once. Procrastination is usually not a solid plan. But procrastination is a great idea when you already have about 102 tasks on your plate and other things have more priority. Yup, that lesson is a remnant of our moving and renovation process.
If you know what you want and dare to express it, sometimes the most beautiful things come your way. I don’t necessarily believe in manifesting everything together. But when we were looking for a house, I did notice how important it is to make very concrete what you are looking for and want. The better you know what you are looking for or what you dream of, the easier it is to work towards it or search for it.
Life-changing changes are always scary. Putting them off for a year doesn’t make them any less scary. So sometimes it’s better to just go for it at that moment. I dreaded the moment we would move for two years. And in the months, weeks and days before it happened, I regularly shed tears for our previous home. But when it finally happened, I noticed that I had made it so big in my head that it could only be better than expected.
Don’t rush into collecting your interior, but give yourself time to find the perfect interior item. For example, we spent three or four months staring at light bulbs because the right lamps were impossible to find. But if you keep looking until you fall in love with an item, you will have something that makes you really happy and not a “meh” lamp that you will be tired of after a year.
Making vegan cheese sauce is really possible. Even without having to buy the “not quite” vegan cheeses made from coconut fat in the supermarket. I think the vegan cheese sauce with my vegan Mac and Cheese is the best proof of that.
You can only spend time once. So take a good look at what things bring you and cost you in energy, money and time for other things. The fact that I often turn down things like networking events or free press events is not only because I would rather spend that time on my existing clients or paid work. It is also because I have come to realize that everything you invest time in also costs energy and I do not have an inexhaustible supply of energy. If I spend the entire morning at a press event, I have little energy to conduct an interview energetically or meet up with a friend in the evening. Since I have started looking at work time in this way, I have been better able to say ‘no’ to some outside things. As unfortunate as that may be sometimes.
A hot water bottle is not that great. Certainly not when you discover the best heating pad . No, I am not sponsored. But after only two months I have a new velvet blue friend on that thing. Such a velvet pad with infrared heat is so much nicer and safer than a hot water bottle that you have to refill every hour.
Go to the doctor in time. Even if the doctor thinks you are a nag. Don’t wait until you are in a lot of pain, but go to the doctor sooner. And again if it doesn’t go away. Doctors also get paid, so don’t feel ashamed to go.
Are you struggling with things that you think you are the only one with? Talk about it anyway. There is almost always someone in your environment who has the same or who at least knows someone with a similar experience. Only when you talk about it, you often notice that you are not alone.
When you are 30, ‘wanting children’ suddenly becomes a topic for some people around you and ‘Gosh, do you want children/not?’ changes into a completely normal question over tea and cake. Feel the freedom to wait until the moment that you feel “I am ready” and also the freedom to decide “No, this is not something that fits in my life or with me”. Dare to make this whole child dilemma discussable and dare to make it something undiscussable if you do not feel like saying a word about it to others.
I am an all over the place person with my 103 hobbies . But it is okay that I am this way. It is okay if you are not a niche person with only one passion. Especially not if you get so much pleasure from those 103 hobbies.
Working on yourself is good. But don’t fall into the trap of turning every possible “could be better” thing about yourself into a development point. There are always pitfalls. Just like things you don’t excel at. Not everything you are not good at (yet) needs to be fixed. Learn to accept yourself with development points. Work on yourself because you want to and because it helps you. But don’t work on yourself as a perfectionism project. You are not perfect, but you don’t have to become that either.
We had the best contractor we could wish for . Not a single horror scenario came true. And everything that went wrong was because of people we had hired ourselves – apart from the contractor. So: if we ever go for that new dormer, we know which number to call.
When you travel by train, don’t lug half your pantry of fast food around . Your shoulders or – in my case – your lovely partner who carries the suitcase will thank you.
Wimberley is a charming little town in the Texas Hill Country, and there’s an awesome outdoor adventure park there. Yep, we’re heading that way soon! And of course, we’ve got some friends (not naming names 😄) who find it very odd if you don’t instantly know where that is on the map when someone says, “In two weeks, we’re going ziplining in Wimberley with the whole family.” So if you happen to be one of the proud 2,800 or so residents of Wimberley—my apologies in advance for my lack of Lone Star geography!
What you have experienced makes you who you are. But what you have experienced does not have to stand in the way of who you can be. Even with a well-filled backpack full of baggage from your younger years, you can change, leave patterns behind, think more positively and adjust in time. Your past has – very logically – left its mark on you, but does not necessarily have to leave its mark on your future.
26. Rulers and tape measures are handy tools. It’s also always handy to measure things in advance. So before you discover that you overestimated your modest trunk or optimistically exclaimed “No, this plant will definitely fit in the pot we have!”
Furniture with a story is the most beautiful. That is why I am so happy with my work table in my home office. Days of blood, sweat and tears (or no blood, thankfully!) went into it. But I could not have imagined a better first home office.
Going to New York by public transport is always a good idea. Not only to avoid the dramatic parking situations (and ditto parking tickets), but especially because you then see something of the many parts of New York while walking.
Make it a habit to let things sink in for at least 4 hours (preferably longer) before you respond. Even if you are very excited about something. Wait a moment and think of a useful response instead of immediately going into response mode. Otherwise I am that person who says a little too enthusiastically “Yeaaaah great, I’ll do that assignment!” and then realizes that I still have to discuss something with rates and planning, or that I just proposed a very tight deadline. Or I am that person who says a little too quickly “Yes, I’ll do it!” and then thinks “Ugh, I should have said ‘no’.”
Shrug your shoulders at setbacks that you can’t change anyway. You can be upset when your boiler breaks down and you spend $2,000 on a totally un-Pinterest-worthy purchase that costs more than your average holiday. But hey, there’s no other option than to buy a new one. And being upset about it doesn’t make the situation any different than it is.
Don’t let non-constructive feedback-spreaders ruin your mood. Yes, people might find your outfit stupid, your interior a bit weird, your statements vague, the look in your eyes weird, your lifestyle strange, your work dull or whatever. But if you can’t get any valuable input from criticism, please let it go. And realize that it often has more to do with the other person not feeling well or being (even remotely) jealous than with you doing something wrong.
And the final lesson: being 30 isn’t so bad. Your life really doesn’t change radically when the twenties make way for the Big 3-0. Yes, I now live in a different place in a beautiful terraced house. But apart from that, I’m still the same Romy. With the same job. The same boyfriend. The same cat. The same hobbies. The same blog. And the same character traits. At most 31 new life lessons – about rulers, critics and pink wallpaper – richer.
What is one life lesson that the past few months have taught you?
