I don’t drink and that’s a thing sometimes

I don’t drink. And strangely enough, that’s often an issue. Not for myself. I easily pass up the beers and glasses of wine. But I’ve gotten used to the fact that not every vague acquaintance reacts with the same enthusiasm when you “really unsociably” pass up a drink. Apparently, some people believe that you really need a few drops of alcohol to be the epitome of sociability.

I have to say: refusing alcohol is a lot easier now that I’m 31 than it was when I was a 19-year-old partying student. I was anything but a partying student myself, and I happily skipped both the late-night parties and the alcoholic refreshments. But then again, as a 19-year-old it was quite a challenge when the drinks around you were flowing freely and you felt like the only one with a glass of orange juice in her hand. I sometimes found that quite a challenge at school parties or when I was awkwardly swaying along to ‘Foute Uur’-like music in the pub among tipsy fellow students . I was even a little relieved when I later got my driver’s license and could now use the excuse “No, sorry, I’m the designated driver!” to skip the beers.

The time of parties and tipsy students is now almost ten years behind me. But even as a thirty-something I still sometimes encounter situations in which others apparently find it uncomfortable that I don’t drink.

I still remember my farewell dinner from a workplace. Four of us went out to eat at a fancy restaurant. The wine soon arrived at the table. “Give me a big bottle!”, a colleague exclaimed. He was allowed to taste the wine and the waiter was already ready to pour all four glasses. “No, no, sorry, I don’t want it!”, I managed to say just before the wine hit the bottom of my glass. Three pairs of surprised eyes looked at me when water ended up in my glass instead of expensive wine. Later, it turned out that I was sitting there with three true wine connoisseurs. “Phew, I can taste an aroma of this…”, I heard from the other side of the table. Another colleague let the wine flow around her mouth. And yet another confirmed that she indeed tasted “an undertone of who-knows-what”.

I peered out somewhat uncomfortably, among the wine-loving colleagues, sipping my water and wondering whether my glass of mineral water might also have an aroma and undertone.

The social pressure that sometimes comes as a gift when you don’t drink

If you also occasionally, often or even always turn down alcohol, you may recognize those awkward remarks. What kind of remarks can you get as a gift if you (sometimes) don’t drink? These are the most common ones that I have heard at least once or even more than once:

• “Hey, don’t be so unsociable!”
• “One is okay, right?!”
• “Oh come on, join in!”
• “But this is really good wine!”
• “Oh, but I’m sure you’ll like this beer.”
• “Come on! I’ll just pour you a tiny bit.”
• “Are you pregnant or something?”

In the beginning, I often felt embarrassed when I was the only one who didn’t need prosecco to toast, or who preferred to swap the expensive wine at dinner for a glass of ordinary tap water. Nowadays, I try to look at it more positively. I’m quite proud that I didn’t give in to peer pressure even in my teenage years and that I stayed true to my need to avoid alcohol. I’m proud that I make my own way, regardless of the opinions that will come anyway. And since I’ve felt that, it’s easier to let the pressure be.

How do you deal with social drinking pressure?

Drinking pressure. A great tongue twister, huh?! It almost makes you sound drunk when you say it, even without that alcoholic beverage. But how do you deal with that drinking pressure when you (temporarily or permanently) don’t drink? These are 7 tips that have saved me from nasty remarks on a regular basis over the past few years:

1. Keep it short, say “No thank you!”

My best strategy for getting out of drinking: don’t make a long story out of it . Don’t throw out all your reasons for refusing alcohol. And don’t let go of the idea that you have to justify turning down this glass. Just say “No thanks, I don’t need it!” when offered a glass of wine.

We often tend to give reasons why we make a different choice than the rest. But that is not necessary. I always think like this: I don’t really care whether someone chooses white wine, apple juice, Dubbel Fris or water. What does it really matter what you use to quench your thirst that evening? Simply saying ‘No!’ is often enough. And if that answer is not enough for the other person and questions arise? Then keep it short again. Just say something like “Oh yes, I have decided not to drink anymore” or “I don’t really need alcohol”. No further explanation needed.

2. Don’t beat around the bush and say honestly that you don’t drink

In the past, I could sometimes feel (unnecessarily!) ashamed if I was the only non-drinker in a group. I had all sorts of excuses, from which I would pick one like Russian roulette to throw into the conversation. I mumbled that I didn’t like beer. I said that I still had to be the designated driver (which was true). I said that I don’t like alcohol. Or I emphasized that I had to leave early tomorrow and therefore wanted to stay sober. Or that I was trying to do without alcohol for a month. All bullshit reasons of course. Because I don’t even know if I like wine, because I’ve never tried it. Nobody had told me to be the designated driver. And I didn’t have an alcohol-free month, but an alcohol-free life.

The thing about excuses is that they can get you into even more trouble . If I said I didn’t like beer, someone would always know another drink that I would definitely like. If I blamed it on a month without alcohol or a busy day tomorrow, I had to come up with a new bullshit excuse the next time.

That’s why I’m much simpler about it these days. I just say crystal clear “I don’t drink alcohol” when someone asks me why I refuse the alcoholic drink.

The great thing is: if you say something very clearly once, the follow-up questions often don’t come. Then people don’t go fishing to see if you want to try that one delicious rosé. They don’t pull their favorite prosecco out of the cupboard for you in the hope that you’ll be up for it. And they also don’t try to convince you to have a drink with them next month. No, they know for now and for the next time that you can skip the alcohol. Nowadays, for example, my father-in-law always gets Jip and Janneke champagne for me on New Year’s Eve. Then I still toast with them, but in my case with non-alcoholic bubbles in my glass.

3. Keep in mind why you don’t drink alcohol (so you can let go of opinions more easily)

It is not without reason that initiatives such as Dry January have been declared and ‘Do you drink alcohol?’ is a standard question during health checks. Alcohol is not exactly a fixed part of a healthy diet. A glass now and then can of course do no harm. But there are many advantages to drinking no or as little alcohol as possible. What are some of them? Well, for example, I like the fact that I never wake up with a hangover, that I know for sure that I am still able to drive, that I do not do crazy things at parties (or let me put it this way: no crazy things that are caused by alcohol) . Furthermore, it is better for your entire health (your brain, liver, weight, etc.) to drink as little alcohol as possible. So yes, enough advantages!

And if you want to know more about the biological effects of alcohol, Arjen Lubach tells you all about it in this video. This episode of Lubach strengthened my conviction that I would rather not drink alcohol.

Anyway, I’m not here to talk you out of drinking alcohol. Arjen Lubach does that better than I do 😉 But I wanted to say that knowing WHY you don’t drink alcohol helps enormously to shake off unsolicited opinions about your drinking behavior. When I hear “Don’t be so unsociable?” again, I can shake it off more easily if I have a very clear idea of ​​why I don’t choose that glass of wine or that cocktail.

You can’t just change the opinions of others, and comments will still come. In my experience, there is little point in fiercely opposing them and throwing around arguments. However, you can more easily let the opinions of others slide off you if you yourself know very well why you choose less/no alcohol. Hold on to that!

4. Shift the topic to something non-alcoholic

What I also often do is quickly switch to another topic. If someone asks “Hey, why don’t you drink?”, I don’t necessarily feel the need to explain it in detail. Besides, my reasoning behind it isn’t that exciting. And I can’t really talk about it passionately or passionately. To save myself from awkward situations, I simply quickly steer the conversation in a different direction. “Oh, I don’t really need alcohol!”, I then shout. Often, the other person understands from such a curt response that I don’t want to say much more about it than that.

If that strategy doesn’t work right away, you can always subtly bring up another topic: “By the way, how’s your work going now?”, “Did you see that date from Tinder again?” or “Did you ever get anywhere with that difficult client?”. Use your best small talk skills to try a different approach. And if the other person keeps asking, just find someone else to talk to.

5. Ask for another drink instead of saying “No thank you!”

During appointments, I always find it a shame when “I don’t drink” becomes a time-consuming topic of conversation. I find it much more fun to talk about other topics and find common ground with the other person. I found a solution for that a while ago. Instead of saying “No thanks, I don’t want any wine!”, I often say what I do want. For example: “Do you have any orange juice?” or “I’m okay with water” or “Could I have a little extra water instead?”

Then others might not even realize that you’re not drinking alcohol and you completely take your focus off of that, even though you still get the non-alcoholic drink of your choice.

6. Realize that people may also respect you for the choices you make

Yes, there will be people who think it’s stupid and boring if you never knock back a beer and always go home sober from parties, even if you don’t have to be the designated driver. But I’ve also come to realize that those people might not be my people. If someone puts you down for the contents of your drinking glass, is that a good friend? Is that the colleague you want to bond with? Is that a fun uncle who’s worth your energy? Maybe not.

Sometimes it’s good to turn it around. Don’t just ask yourself, “Am I nice enough for this person?” But also ask yourself, “Do I actually like this person?”

Is this not really your person? Then you can do 2 things:

1. Muster up the courage to say that you think it’s stupid and downright unnecessary that someone is putting you down for this.
2. Opt for the more radical scenario: run baby run .