My nights were pretty lousy for a while. I went to bed with a full head, often suffered from a bloated stomach and then tossed and turned in bed for a few hours. The trip to dreamland then took a while. That had to change. That’s why I completely overhauled my evening ritual. Time to give you a glimpse into it! These are 7 things I started doing differently to start the night with an empty head and calm intestines.
From old to new evening ritual
In my good old days as a single person, I sometimes had the tendency to sit behind the computer until a bit too late in the evening. Half past eleven was no exception. Until about two years ago, I also went to bed a bit too late as standard. Add to that the fact that in the evening I sometimes get that one (I thought) brilliant inspiration out of nowhere that I of course have to do something with immediately. As a result, I would still be lying in bed, brooding, thinking and doing. They were certainly not always annoying brooding thoughts; sometimes they were just tasks that I still had to do something with or enthusiastic plans that just occurred to me at that inconvenient moment. In short: anything but a relaxing evening ritual.
Now I go to bed a lot earlier anyway and the work sessions until the wee hours are a thing of the past. But that worrying and the full head still accompanied me regularly when I plopped into bed in the evening. Due to all the circumstances of last year I had built up the necessary stress and that regularly came out late at night. My intestines also often made themselves heard (by mainly putting on a cozy mood – not fun).
I visited a psychosomatic physiotherapist (of course after I first found out if I am not intolerant to something) and have also tried and done a lot myself to improve my night’s sleep and to calm my intestines. The most important gain appeared to be in my evening ritual . I have also adjusted that considerably and it indeed helps me a lot with a better night’s sleep, an empty head and calmer intestines.
I will take you through my 7 tips for a peaceful evening ritual.
My full head and busy intestines asked for one thing: more peace in my evening ritual.
1. Goodbye square screens!
Who also accompanied me very often in the evening were the three well-known screens. If it wasn’t my computer, then it was my phone or the television. But honestly, the computer won over its two screen companions. Now it is quite logical that your head is not easy to calm down when you are still sending emails until the very last minute or devoting the umpteenth Google search to something that “really can’t wait”.
Because blogging is my number 1 hobby and I simply cannot get my brainwaves onto digital paper without a computer, I do still sit behind the PC in the evening. I generally close my laptop around ten o’clock at the latest (often much earlier than that). Sometimes Bart and I watch some TV, but I always make sure that the screens are not on until the very last minute before going to bed. I also cut down on my phone use , especially in the late hours.
2. From active to passive
I once learned something about sleep etiquette. Of course, letting go of the infamous phone was also discussed there. But there is another important message that I got from it: that it is important to reduce your activities in the evening . Do not be active and “on” until the very last minute.
That’s why I started looking more critically at what I do in the evening. At most, I do active things until about ten o’clock. By that I don’t necessarily mean physically active; blogging or answering an e-mail or an extensive app message is also active, for example. After all, you have to think about that or even dig deep into your creative brain.
But doing intense workouts is also active of course. As good as exercise is, I notice that I lie half bouncing in bed when I’m still jumping and squatting on a yoga mat at a quarter past eleven. So I don’t do sports late at night anymore.
A few concrete ways I scale back my activities from active to passive:
- Determine the maximum time you want to be “on”. I make sure that it is at least one or one and a half hours before going to bed.
- Make your to-do list for the next day right after work or when you are done with all the active stuff. Don’t do it right before you hit the bed.
- Ignore your phone after a certain time or agree with yourself that after a certain time you will only do passive things on your phone (for example, scrolling through Instagram instead of thinking about creative posts yourself).
- Think of passive activities that you find relaxing and make time for them in the evening.
- Practice meditation to really get into relaxation mode. (More on that later.)
3. Relax and review the day
One of the nicest things about living together is that we can talk about the day together in the evening. Sometimes we laugh about funny things that happened, other times one of us is sad or we enjoy something beautiful. I personally find it very nice and important to talk to each other in the evening (even after the “obligatory” dinner table conversation). Even though you may be constantly on each other’s lips when working from home, talking to each other often brings up nice or important things .
Furthermore, I have made a habit of throwing things that bother me (sometimes it is something small like a NOS message that touched me) out in the evening . All the ballast that you do not take with you to bed at night also makes your head a bit emptier before going to sleep. Talking about it with someone helps me enormously to not worry about something until the early hours that is not worth my energy.
4. Meditation as part of the evening ritual
That rhymes too.
I wrote a blog about starting to meditate earlier. In that blog I already revealed that I didn’t like meditating for a long time. At least, I had that opinion ready without ever giving it a serious chance. In the meantime I have turned 180 degrees and I meditate almost every evening. Also on the advice of my psychosomatic physiotherapist. My intestines do their job a lot better since I do meditations in which I consciously pay attention to my breathing (when you breathe into your belly, your diaphragm massages your intestines – that makes your belly calmer).
Thanks to meditation, I am much better able to clear my head . Sometimes I do a guided meditation of 40 minutes, other times I stick to a short meditation of 10 minutes or I do some short breathing exercises myself. No matter how long or short, meditation is an indispensable part of my quiet evening ritual.
Meditation Moments: handy meditation app
Recently I discovered a very handy app that makes meditating daily even easier for me: Meditation Moments. I often searched myself to death for daily meditations that I like (something like an annoying meditation voice on YouTube can be a complete turn-off!) and that are not too long and not too short. In the app Meditation Moments you will find hundreds of meditations, so you can find something suitable for every moment.
The app includes a number of guided meditations (for example a body scan in which Michael, the developer of the app, lets you reflect on different parts of the body), but you can also listen to soothing music to meditate undisturbed.
There are morning meditations, evening meditations, and mid-day meditations , as well as very short and somewhat more extensive meditations. This way, lack of time need never be an excuse to skip a daily meditation.
My opinion about Meditation Moments
You can do a FREE 10-day trial at Meditation Moments to test the app extensively. I did that extensively. I am very enthusiastic about it myself. The meditation app helps me to no longer spend five or ten minutes of my evening ritual choosing suitable meditation music. I also notice that I am more motivated to really meditate every evening since I discovered meditations that do not normally take up a lot of time. I am in an online meditation group twice a week, but I like not to be stuck with a 40-minute meditation on the other evenings.
The benefits at a glance
- The range of meditations is enormous and the meditations are also very different.
- At any time of the day you will automatically receive suggestions for meditations that suit that time of day .
- With some meditations you can choose whether you want to go for a 10, 20 or 30 minute version . Sometimes a 5 minute version is also possible.
- In the app you can build streaks by meditating for several days in a row. That motivates you to actually do it.
- You can set notifications so that you are reminded at certain times that you “still have to” meditate.
- Michael Pilarczyk speaks the meditations and has a very nice and calm voice to listen to. He also doesn’t talk too much (which I sometimes find a bit disturbing with other meditations). You might know him from his Live Your Best Life podcast by the way.
- You can also listen to Michael Pilarczyk’s books as audiobooks via the app and there are a number of useful articles (for example about the Pomodoro technique) in the app.
- So you can try the app for 10 days . If you want to keep access to all meditations after that, you pay €39.95 per year (or €9.99 per month). You can also use the app for free, but then you will not have access to the premium content.
And the negative points?
- You can use the app for free, but pay a small amount if you want access to all meditations. On the other hand, I notice that it is often a good incentive for me to pay for something like this. Then I feel extra motivated to really use it. With the app you are also always sure of a suitable meditation; with YouTube meditations that is sometimes a bit of a search.
- The focus music from the app, which I also really like while working, often only lasts about 10-20 minutes . That makes it not so handy if you want to work with it for a few hours.
- All meditations are spoken by one and the same person . It is often very personal whether you like a voice or not. So definitely try out whether you like Michael’s voice to listen to.
Final verdict
All in all I am very enthusiastic and after the trial period I have taken a year subscription to the app. It helps me a lot to make meditation a permanent part of my evening ritual. No excuses.
I especially like the evening meditations, such as the body scan. They help me to relax and often make sure that I am already half asleep on the couch before I go to the bathroom to brush my teeth. A good start to the night!
5. Be careful with exciting series
There are people who can still sleep like a baby after the most gruesome horror film and there are people who are already shivering and shaking in bed after an episode of Flikken Maastricht. I clearly belong to the latter category. My tolerance for tension in series is close to zero, especially just before bedtime. In the past, I often didn’t care and insisted on watching that nice crime series before going to bed. Well, I often regretted that in bed. I usually dream about that series and it also makes it harder for me to fall asleep. Sometimes a huge adrenaline rush also prevents me from falling asleep.
That’s why I’ve started paying more attention to what I watch on TV after ten/thirty. I definitely want to watch some police series, but I make sure I don’t do that right before going to bed. And if I find something too exciting, I usually watch a light vlog or a quiz afterwards. That way I can calm my rapidly beating heart down again.
6. Book on my bedside table
Or well, book? It has become a whole pile of books by now. I like to read multiple books at the same time. Max. one per evening, that is.
Anyway, I like to end the day with my nose in a good book. I have completely rediscovered reading and I love to read another ten or fifteen pages in the evening before I close my eyes . These are usually self-help books (I make sure they are not too work-related) with which I like to spend the last ten minutes of the evening. Books work for me almost the same as meditation. They get me out of my head and into another world for a while. A nice way to end the day!
Reading tip: I am currently reading the appropriate book ‘Finding Peace in a World That Keeps Turning’. A very soothing book to immerse yourself in before going to sleep!
7. Evening ritual in the bathroom
As will probably be the case for almost everyone, my evening ritual also ends in the bathroom. About four years ago, I took pretty bad care of my skin and face. I would jump into bed with mascara and foundation still on. And of the many creams I had, I didn’t use a single one. In the meantime, I have improved my life (or well, my facial routine) and cleaning my face and applying a lick of cream have become a fixed routine .
Then it is time to get into bed with a clean face and a mostly empty head. Sometimes I am still bothered in bed by a worrying thought or a brilliant idea. In such cases I write down really important thoughts in my phone or in a notebook and then do a breathing exercise in bed . I put my hands on my stomach and consciously feel how my stomach and hands go up and down with every breath. That works like a train for me to really get into the here and now (and into sleep mode).
